Extortion

My U.S. auto insurance has to be renewed this week, but the carrier doesn't insure cars overseas, so I have to find a new insurer. The way things are going, there will be at least a few days (or weeks) of fully uninsured time before a new policy kicks in. But that's no problem, because we STILL do not have, and have seen no signs that we ever will have, our car (by now you should be starting to detect a subtle car-related theme in these posts).

In reviewing the detailed quote I received from one company, I discovered a little rider I'd never heard, seen, or imagined before, even in my wildest nightmares. I had to double-check my understanding of this rider with Wijo, because a consistent pattern I've seen in the Netherlands, for reasons I can only guess at, is the tendency to write in Dutch. So just to be sure, I went ahead and test drove, so to speak, my understanding of the entire document.

Me: Wettelijke Aansprakelijkheid - liability?
Wijo: Right
Me: Ruit - huh?
Wijo: Windows
Me: Diefstal - theft?
Wijo: Right
Me: Brand, Storm, en Natuur - acts of god?
Wijo: Right
Me:  Aanrijdingen - collision?
Wijo: Right
Me: "No-Claim" Beschermer. Wijo, I am pretty sure this rider is insurance against having your insurance rates increased if you make a claim.
Wijo: No!
Me: Yes, let me just read you the detailed description:

At which point I read him the detailed description, which, in translation, goes like this:

"The 'No-Claim' Protector...is a perfect supplement to your auto insurance. With this supplemental insurance you can, in the event of damage, submit one damage claim per insured year without affecting your established no-claim discount. Therefore, your premium will not increase."

Yes, you heard correctly. Specifically, I have the option to pay them 17.50 per year to not raise my premium after any claim of up to 1,500 euros, or to pay them 40.00 per year to not raise my premium for claims over 1,500.

If you have doubts about my translation, you just let me know and I'll be happy to email you the verbatim text in Dutch so you can check it yourself.

The Dutch. They don't look like Mafiosi, but that's where the lack of resemblance ends.